Just a Typical Day / by Michelle Linden

Me: We'd really like to use your product. How long will it take to provide shop drawings and manufacture?
Them: Three Weeks including shipping. Please send dimensions.
Me: [Thinking that is unbelievably fast] Here are the dimensions. Please let me know when I can expect shop drawings.
Them: Thanks for the dimensions.

- A week later –

Me: When can I expect shop drawings?
Them: -
Me: When can I expect shop drawings?
Them:-

- Three weeks later –

Me: When can I expect shop drawings? We are under construction and the utilities need to be put in this location tomorrow.
Them: Here is a typical schematic diagram.
Me: But, this is nothing like our condition. I still can't determine where gas and electrical need to be located.
Them: This is a typical schematic diagram. Your situation is a similar concept.
Me: Yes, but I still don't know where the utilities need to come in.
Them: In the middle.
Me: [Thanks for that] In the middle of what? This diagram looks nothing like our condition.
Contractor: We've decided to just locate the utilities in several locations…. One of them should be right.
Me: [What are the chances of that?]

- Another month later –

Me: When can I expect shop drawings?
Them:-
Me: When can I expect shop drawings?
Them:-
Me: When can I expect shop drawings?
Them: I thought we were done with this project.
Me: Considering that you still haven't been paid, nor have you produced anything… I'd say we're not quite done. When can I expect shop drawings?
Them:-
Me: I need shop drawings.
Them:- What exactly do you need?
Me: [Considers shooting self in head. Reconsiders. Considers flying to south to shoot vendor in head.]